Why don’t marriages last long anymore?

My mom and I were talking earlier this morning about random stuff and ended up talking about failed marriages, and the overwhelming numbers of it in this modern age.  If it’s about love, if they think the emotion is dying, they can surely make a conscious effort to keep loving their spouse until death – that is, if they really want to.  Because love is not just an emotion, it is also a decision and a conscious effort.  I know I don’t have the right to talk about it, being not married and all, but just thinking about how couples in the past managed to make their marriage work, I really can’t think of any excuse why married couples of today can’t.  In this day and age, why does it seem like it’s a growing trend to just decide to walk away when things get tough?  My mom laughingly said married couples in the past really stick with each other no matter how they make each other’s life miserable.  It’s true.  I witnessed my grandparents (my mother’s parents) sitting and facing each other as they quarrel.  I remember the day when I was looking at my grandmother while she was making her “litany” of rants and how my grandfather just laughed at her and told her to quit talking.  They used to quarrel a lot, but when my grandmother died, I saw my grandfather cried.  It’s a very touching moment, but I was too young to realize that.  It’s just now when I look back and remember that picture of my grandfather crying over my grandmother’s death that I realized that my grandmother and my grandfather had this love, if not friendship, for and with each other through the years of being married to each other.  So, it really makes me wonder if the so-called “irreconcilable differences” really is a valid reason to end a marriage, or just an excuse?  But as I said, what right do I have to question this growing trend of married couples going their separate ways anyway when I don’t even have any idea what a married life is like?  Maybe I’m too idealistic when it comes to the topic of marriage, but that’s because I’ve seen couples who managed to make it work despite and in spite of their differences.  I also would like to mention the marriage of my favorite historical woman Marie Antoinette to King Louis XVI.  They were never really attracted to each other at first.  Their marriage was arranged for political reasons only.  But as years go by, they managed to develop a genuine love for each other and managed to make their marriage work.  They stick with each other through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, and until death parted them.  They have shown the world a very beautiful story of love, commitment, and loyalty.  Marie Antoinette knew she is putting her life in grave danger when she decided to stay at her husband’s side during the Revolution but she decided to stay with him nonetheless.  Why did she stay even though she knew that by deciding so means certain death?  Marie Antoinette’s bravery, the nobility of her character, her overflowing love for her family, for her adopted country, for its people, and her overwhelming sense of duty are remarkable at best!  She did everything she could to make her marriage with Louis XVI work that she deserved to be noted for that.  She’s a very good example to women, and to mankind as a whole for that matter.  What I’m really trying to say here is, if the individuals who are in a committed relationship will focus on how to make their relationship work instead of focusing only on themselves and their own interests, they can successfully make their relationship work.  If there’s a will, there’s a way, right?  So, why indeed don’t married couples try harder to make their marriage work anymore the way married couples in the past used to? That’s something worth pondering about, isn’t it?


6 Responses to Why don’t marriages last long anymore?

  1. Matterhorn says:

    I really liked this post- thank you. I agree, the story of Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette is a really touching example of a noble, loving marriage, and this despite the fact that they had so much working against them at the outset.

    • lemraq says:

      I’m very glad you like it. Thank you for your kind words. They are really an inspiration and a good role model. I know many people will disagree, but to me they really are. :)

  2. Bea says:

    Because your grandparents, despite their differences, genuinely love each other.

    Many people these days marry for the sake of marrying and they go into marriage without proper discernment. So when they end up with monsters…well, you naturally wouldn’t want to live with a monster. Especially not in this country where abuse is so easy.

    My parents have a lovely marriage, which is why I used to be so idealistic about this topic. But when I met people who’ve gone through abuse (there are just too many of them, including my adopted brother), I realized…we’re the abnormal family. Abnormal, meaning, it’s rare to have such a loving atmosphere.

    My own marriage was a complete sham. I was obsessed with the idea of a wedding cake and didn’t look into the man I was marrying. I couldn’t even bear to touch him, let alone live my entire life with him. I shudder in complete revulsion at the thought of having sex with him. I don’t think that kind of thing would work. Even the Catholic Church already said my marriage does not exist. Learned my lesson and promised myself to wait for the one that God intended for me. There must be signs (and they’re all in my blog). LOL.

    So there. I feel like there is nothing to work out if the beginning of the marriage was already a joke. Especially with Filipinos…they take these things forcefully. They marry even if it’s not time, or they’re not ready or they’re with the wrong person. Because the pressure to marry in this country is high. They already make a joke out of you if you’re in your late 20s and you have not married. They never stop asking questions…so the younger generation would feel the pressure and inevitably stumble into this mistake.

    It’s also very different from our grandparents’ time. The pressures of their time are different.

    • lemraq says:

      Yes, some people marry just for the sake of it, which should not be the case, because of the pressure put on each individual to get married. I perfectly know what you mean as I personally have witnessed these things happening. People talk as if being married to someone and having kids are the pinnacle of success an individual can attain. I really never understood the logic. This very attitude in our society is one of the main factors why so many people jump at the opportunity of getting married without really thinking about the person they’re going to be married to. While I understand the noble intention in raising a family, I don’t understand why there should be kids. I mean, if it’s not for you, then it’s not for you, why insist on it, right? The primary concern of most women here, as I understand, is to have children, and the way for them to have children is to get married. So the louder women hear the clock ticking, the more pressured they feel into getting themselves a husband. I believe in the saying, “It’s better to be alone than be with the wrong person for the rest of your life”. The issues you have raised are very valid and I agree with them. You are right when you said that people of today no longer practice discernment. I think that’s what’s lacking now. In the past, before people get married, they think about it through and through; tackling every issue raised because they know that once they are married, there’s no way out of it. I also think one of the reasons why people just get married without really thinking it over is because they know they have an option to just walk away if they decided they want out because no one will judge them negatively anymore since it has become a norm in our society to see married couples go their separate ways. In the past that’s unthinkable. As for your marriage, I want you to know that I never judged it in any way. I know you know what you’re doing.

  3. Gerald says:

    There’s too much technology around us such that our partners only occupy a fraction of our time whereas in the past there were no distractions. In fact when people’s wives give them heat, they just go on the internet and watch some porn. No begging. With technology, you need to be solid to make it thourgh this life with just one partner.

    • lemraq says:

      Yes, but I still think discipline, a sense of commitment, and respect for marriage is the key to successful marriage. Some people think that a successful marriage means they should always be happy with it, so when they feel unhappy, they think it’s time to leave.

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