One of the boys or genderless?

I remember discussing with my male friends over dinner about the difference how society views maturing men to maturing women. One of them said that as women age, their attractiveness diminishes, unlike with men, when men age they become more attractive. It may sound unfair to women, but it’s true. Talking to men gives me a glimpse of the way they generally think. It’s really interesting! I’m glad they’re comfortable enough to share with me how men think, or at least how THEY think. As a person who likes sharing thoughts and opinions with others, I really appreciate their openness with me. It also amazes me sometimes that they’re more sensitive compared to me. I used to think men don’t have emotions; that men would never understand women. I don’t know where I got that idea from, but obviously it was ignorance and prejudice on my part. Anyway, what I didn’t realize was, because of my biased assumption about men, I was making it hard for myself to understand them and also for them to understand me. Maybe my unfair assumption about men has something to do with me growing up not having the opportunity to exchange thoughts with them. It’s natural for young girls to have only female friends, so as I was growing up I only have female friends. Normally, as typical of group of girls, we talk about girl stuff, so I really didn’t have the chance to have a glimpse on how men think. But as I mature, I gained more male friends than female friends. I still can’t figure out how the sudden shift of group happened. Now I don’t understand what made my male friends describe me as “one of the boys”. The first time I heard them say it, I was surprised. And the second time I heard it, it made me wonder what’s wrong with me… what happened along the way, why, and how, did I become “one of the boys”? Some of my friends say I should not feel offended because it means I am not a bitchy type of woman. Honestly, it didn’t offend me. It seriously just made me wonder how I became one of the boys because I grew up as a “girly-girl”. What really “bothered” me about the fact that my male friends see me as “one of the boys” is the doubt that finally hit me about my attraction factor, haha! So I wasn’t really offended. It just made me wonder about that. I know I’m sounding vain, but if you’re a woman and you’re described by men as “one of the boys” wouldn’t you feel the same way I do =P? Okay, I’m half kidding actually :). I may have wondered about my attraction factor, but just a little bit. I didn’t wallow in it because it’s irrelevant to me. To be honest, I think people see me as genderless, and not really “one of the boys”, which is fine with me – in fact very fine with me. What’s more important to me is meet new people, to gain more friends, and make people comfortable with me. I grew up with people thinking I’m haughty (I won’t go into details as to why) making them unaccommodating towards me, which is really sad. So I really make it a point to be welcoming and accommodating to others, making sure they’re comfortable with me. Now that I see more and more people feeling comfortable with me, it makes me feel joyful. I am thankful that I’ve met good people and became friends with them. I really treasure them a whole lot. :)


8 Responses to One of the boys or genderless?

  1. Bea says:

    this is true and studies have shown this. i have a book (from my gender and sexuality class) titled “The Beauty Myth”. i love reading it but the author is kind of…well, there were snippets when i thought she was going a bit overboard because i don’t think men are conscious about oppressing women through beauty. women really are oppressed through beauty but we’re doing it to ourselves. LOL.

    on the other hand, a counter argument i could have against the beauty myth would be the instances when men would also regress as they grow older. what i mean by this is, when they’re younger, quite a lot are attracted to older women because older women are sophisticated and do not have the insecurities of younger ones. but as men grow older, their tastes for women get younger and younger. i kind of find it disgusting, though…i look at 16 year old girls and boys and while they’re pretty, they practically look like kids to me. makes me think that as they grow older, they become pedophiles. ew.

    • lemraq says:

      So true. Women do the oppression to themselves when it comes to beauty. Men just happened to be there to admire every beauty they see. As for old men, yeah, they tend to get attracted to younger women, but I heard because it’s instinct, I don’t know. There’s a rising trend going among older women, though. More and more older women are looking for younger men. I don’t know why, but it’s becoming a trend among older women to “hunt” for younger men. Seems like the younger the man they get, the prouder they are. Look at Madam Auring for instance, haha! Just thinking about it… well, I’m not going to say it in a public forum, but you probably know the way I think, so you can guess what I think about cases like Madam Auring, haha!

      • David says:

        Ok, as an older man, I will admit that young girls are generally prettier than women my age. And yes, I like to see younger girls (I’m talking at least 16, please) and I admire their youthful good looks, but I promise I will not be trying to have ‘relationships’ with them. I have grandchildren that age. It’s nice, when they hug me, to feel the youth, but again, I don’t want to marry or have kids with them, or someone their age. And I think it’s perverted for it to happen. And I think it works the other way, too.

      • lemraq says:

        Hahaha, yes, I know not all older men marry younger girls. :)

  2. David says:

    To me ‘one of the boys’ should make you comfortable. It means you fit. My wife was one of the boys. When I met her she liked sports, liked to drink and party, and she just fit in with me. We’ve both mellowed, and we don’t really (and never did, like some people) ‘party’, we just like to have a good time. A girl who’s one of the boys isn’t afraid to bait a hook, or touch a frog. She’s just pretty comfortable in nearly every situation. It’s not about how good you look. It means that your charm comes through. Some of the most ‘one of the boys’ women in the US are also some of the best looking. They just don’t want to be permanently on a pedestal, they want to come down and have a beer. I don’t know if that helps you much…

    To sum it up, ‘one of the boys’ is about attitude, not looks or attractiveness.

    • lemraq says:

      I don’t mind it, really. I never did. But I thought “one of the boys” means tomboys, and I’m not even one. But thanks for the clarification. Now I know it’s a compliment. :)

  3. nice post…keep it up !

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