Just another weird day…

It’s 6:50pm. A strong wind began to blow while I was on my way home. I think the storm already began. I hurried home for fear of being stranded somewhere. The traffic was heavy, encountered one bottleneck to another. When I finally reached home, I was expecting to see my family, but no one’s home. Everything looked disturbed; someone else’s shoes lie on the floor, the food that I left behind is gone, biscuits/cookies are opened… obviously someone was here. Minutes had passed and my family arrived. I’m glad they’re safe. But for a moment our place seemed like Goldilocks was here, haha!

Remembering my dad on his birthday.

Today is my dad’s birthday… I could barely remember how it felt like having him around. I was very young when he died and all I could remember is a man in a chair, paralyzed. Now looking back, I wish I made an effort to talk to him… but I was too young to even think that I should grab the opportunity to get to know my dad because one day he’ll go away. I remember arriving home from school, I saw him watching TV, and so I sat beside him to watch TV along with him. To my surprise, he suddenly spoke to me (he rarely did), even though he had difficulty talking, and told me my mom got mad at him. I didn’t know what to say except, “oh”, and faced the TV again, not realizing I was being insensitive. Years after that, I finally realized how insensitive I was towards him that day… he clearly needed to talk to someone desperately that anyone is better than none, but I didn’t understand back then. I learned later on, years after his death, about the reason why my mom got mad at him that day. I understand my mom’s side as much as I understand my dad’s concerning that matter. Anyway, I really miss my dad. He may not be a perfect dad, but to me he is a good dad in his own way. I really miss him a lot.
Happy birthday, dad! I thank God for you.

L’Autrichienne – A Movie about Marie Antoinette’s Trial.

51CKKPY751L._SL500_AA240_I couldn’t understand the movie because it’s in French, but I read that it’s the most historically accurate ever made about Marie Antoinette. I’ve been looking for this movie since I heard about it, but I was very unfortunate not to find any copy of it in stores. I kept browsing through websites where one can watch movies online for free, but none of them have L’Autrichienne. I never gave up looking for it, though. I continued googling it hoping to find it, but all I came across with were just posters and some rare reviews on it. Until one day, I visited again one of the websites I visited before and decided to check if it’s there, hoping against hope that it IS there, and voila, to my surprise I saw it!!! At first I couldn’t believe my eyes. And as I was playing the movie, I couldn’t contain my excitement! I really didn’t expect it! I’m really grateful to the kind soul who posted it! I never thought I’d be able to watch that movie ever if not because of him/her. I’m so thankful!

Anyway, about the movie, it only covered Marie Antoinette’s trial. It also showed that she was already sick when she was brought to the guillotine. I’m not really sure what her sickness was, but the movie showed she was bleeding. I googled about it, but found very little information concerning it, although, the sites that tackled that subject suggested that she suffered from what is now considered today as uterine cancer (I don’t remember the exact term, and I’m not sure if it’s really what it was) due to stress. The horror that her life had become and how she bravely dealt with it showed how strong her character and faith were… People say that her death was her release… I think so, too. And I pray for the eternal repose of this poor soul, Marie Antoinette, who was a victim of politics, ambitions, and prejudice. May she rest in peace, along with the other victims, and may eternal light shine upon them.

I think it’s time for me to go to confession…

And clear my conscience and restore my relationship with God. I know people around me have this idea that I’m not religious, but I am. For years I haven’t gone to confession, thus, for years I haven’t received Communion as well. Right this very moment I feel like confessing, but at the same time I think I’m not ready yet… then again, I feel that I really want to… *sigh* I’m torn…
The last time I prayed the Rosary, which was, I think two weeks ago, It felt like I wasn’t even worthy to pray it… I know I shouldn’t feel that way, but I did… and it felt like God wasn’t listening to me because I’m not worthy of His attention. I rarely attend Mass, and to a Catholic, it’s a mortal sin. I was never a good Catholic nor even tried to be, but I know my Catholic obligations, and I have intentionally failed to fulfill them… I think that’s what’s eating me up.

I had a realization today… no voice remains unheard if the voice is persistent enough to be heard.

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I always talk about Marie Antoinette every chance I get because I think she’s one of the most inspiring people who ever walked the earth – a woman of substance as I call her. I also make digital paintings of her as much as I can afford to. Today when I opened my mail, with chat feature imbedded in it, I saw a friend’s offline message giving me a link to Elena Maria Vidal’s article, “Axel von Fersen legend Part I”… an article that clears Marie Antoinette’s name concerning false rumors about Marie Antoinette’s extra-marital affairs. The first time I heard of this author was when I was browsing through youtube for any historical documentary about Marie Antoinette. I bumped into this video where Elena Maria Vidal is being interviewed in EWTN program. I like the way she connected Marie Antoinette’s character to Catholicism saying that Marie Antoinette was a very good example of a Catholic woman. I myself am a Catholic and I agree with Elena Maria Vidal. Marie Antoinette, at least the real Marie Antoinette, was indeed a good Catholic even in death. I know many will disagree with me, because they bought so much lies told about Marie Antoinette, but I’m glad I have enough curiosity about her to read and learn facts about her; to differentiate truth from lies said about her; to finally help this poor soul clear her name. All of us want to leave a good name as our legacy, and I think it’s only fair to clear Marie Antoinette’s name with real facts and bring her good reputation back by overriding falsehoods that had tainted, and continue to taint, her person.

What do people of today gain from popularizing negative rumors about Marie Antoinette?

Take Sofia Coppola for example. The movie she made is a total trash. There’s no moral lesson in the movie. I can’t even consider it artistic freedom. I also don’t understand why people keep on insisting, even after so many decades had passed, that she had an affair. I don’t know what people get from continuously maligning Marie Antoinette since she’s been dead for a very, very long time. Why don’t people try to clear her name for her for a change, since she has no capacity to do it anymore? If they’re going to make an effort to make money at her reputation’s expense, at least make it historically accurate as much as possible. I find it annoying, and abhorrently foul, that Sofia Coppola attached the “let them eat cake” to Marie Antoinette, which Marie Antoinette never uttered referring to the peasants.