Remembering my dad on his birthday.

Today is my dad’s birthday… I could barely remember how it felt like having him around. I was very young when he died and all I could remember is a man in a chair, paralyzed. Now looking back, I wish I made an effort to talk to him… but I was too young to even think that I should grab the opportunity to get to know my dad because one day he’ll go away. I remember arriving home from school, I saw him watching TV, and so I sat beside him to watch TV along with him. To my surprise, he suddenly spoke to me (he rarely did), even though he had difficulty talking, and told me my mom got mad at him. I didn’t know what to say except, “oh”, and faced the TV again, not realizing I was being insensitive. Years after that, I finally realized how insensitive I was towards him that day… he clearly needed to talk to someone desperately that anyone is better than none, but I didn’t understand back then. I learned later on, years after his death, about the reason why my mom got mad at him that day. I understand my mom’s side as much as I understand my dad’s concerning that matter. Anyway, I really miss my dad. He may not be a perfect dad, but to me he is a good dad in his own way. I really miss him a lot.
Happy birthday, dad! I thank God for you.

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8 Responses to Remembering my dad on his birthday.

  1. YB says:

    aaah dads. despite (because of?) everything, we love ‘em anyway :)

  2. David says:

    Your regret and missing your dad is a valuable lesson today. We should always try and make the most of our time with those we love.
    On the other hand, we should not waste too much time regretting how we used to be, other than to use that regret to teach us to be better people.
    Your dad’s soul still lives. He’s proud of you, especially now that you realize your prior self-centeredness, and that you still think of him, and miss him.
    If he’s in purgatory, your prayers could help him get to heaven.

    Understanding why your mom might have been mad does not in any way preclude being sympathetic to your dad. I had a situation this weekend-my wife and step-daughter were not speaking (actually, my wife not speaking to her, and one-sided communication is not communication). I understand her side, but I am sympathetic to my step-daughter-she’s married herself, with children, and more-than-full-time work. Both are wrong about part of it. I’m trying to put them both right.

    • lemraq says:

      Yes, I pray for my dad’s soul. It’s true, it’s a very valuable lesson learned, but sometimes, we unconsciously repeat our mistakes. I don’t wallow in regret… I never did. I only look back from time to time to remember the lessons every experience taught me. I pray that your wife and your step-daughter will one day be in good terms. God bless!

      • David says:

        God is providential and good! My daughter showed up at Mass yesterday morning with us, and the thaw began! Then she went home and had a couple hours chat with her Mom with me still at work, and when I got home, they were laughing and discussing our grandchildren. 8)

      • lemraq says:

        I am so grateful you’re reminding me of God’s goodness. Truth is, it has already been years since I began doubting His existence. I really didn’t want to, and I still don’t, so I try my best to convince myself that He exists. It’s actually a wake-up call to me that’s why I realized that I have strayed, this time, too far. I’m so glad your daughter and your wife are talking to each other again. I know the feeling of being in the middle of a fight… you can also feel the tension, even though you’re not included in a fight, so I’m happy for you that they are in good term again, and also for them. God Bless!

      • David says:

        If you need logical proof, I can provide that. But that’s just scientific. It starts with “think of something that’s “always” been here, and then think of when it was not. Like the sun or a star. What caused that thing to be? And keep going back. God is the cause that has no cause. There’s other exercises like that. Another good one is to see everything in nature, and realize that God cares for that creature-because he made it.
        One thing you will find out is that God will not impose himself on you. Look at the Old Testament. Our original sin happened because God gave us free will. He wants you to love him, but true love requires no force. But you, lemraq, seem to be ready to give yourself back to Him. His arms are open. Let your heart open up and trust Him to take care of you. God bless!

        BTW, I notice that your replies are very late at night. Do you work or have to study? Or are you just far away? You can tell me on my blog if you don’t want it fully public.

      • lemraq says:

        Yes… I have been convincing myself that way of God’s existence. But because those things have been here since time immemorial, they just became part of nature. I don’t want to end up an atheist that’s why I always pray to God not to allow me to become one. Sometimes, this free will is a burden. But I know that God knows best, so I should be thankful for it. Thank you so much for being so encouraging! God bless.

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